Self

When you think of the greatest of all time in sports, you might think of Micheal Jordan or Serena Williams. And if you haven’t followed their journey closely, you might even think that they never lost a game in their lives. But guess what… even the greatest of all time lose a game or two. So if you lost a game or something didn’t go as planned. It is not the end of the world, because you can still be the best in your field regardless.

Failure is knowledge

We have touched on this subject already in this previous post but the investments you have made are never lost as long as you learn. You can even consider them a gift. But the most important thing is to learn from those losses. Failure itself might not be the best motivator, but it matters what you do AFTER you fail. What can you learn from that failure? How can you improve? Do you need to pivot or continue this track? Bring that information with you to the next step and then the failure was just an investment into your success.

Kobe Bryant

If by now you are still unsure what I am trying to say then I have to introduce someone who can explain it better. He is known for his relentless work ethic. & one of the greatest in basketball. I’m talking about Kobe Bryant of course. In an interview, they asked him: “What does losing feel like for you?” You might expect that he responded with something like: “Oh I never lose I’m the best.”

But rather, he responded with: “It’s exciting! You receive different ways to get better. Certain weaknesses get exposed. And therefore you have a chance to enhance your skills. Whether you lose or win. The process should be the same either way. Face the stuff and learn from it.” So actually losing is a gift.

Redefining failure

So Kobe Bryant goes even further and claims that failure doesn’t exist. We make this up in our minds. He proposes that we can take those situations and try to get better and improve. Regarding something as a failure is easy because you are no longer responsible for those actions and don’t have to give it any more attention. But the moment you see failure or a loss as a learning gift, you are never done improving. As a result, you would have a higher chance of winning.

Source image:, Unsplash Howard Chai

There is a TED talk that discusses the fact that we are a product of the 5 people closest to us. And I believe that there is much truth to that. Because we all live in our own bubble. And the people you interact with the most, determine what comes into your bubble. In hindsight, being aware of this could be the best gift your environment could give you.

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your life

I’m not convinced that the people closest to you determine who you are but they influence your life and habits. There is a quote that says: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your life”. The question remains: “How much of what we want is determined by our environment?”. Throughout our day we move on auto-pilot. For example, you probably don’t even remember your commute home. And once you become comfortable with the people in your life, you become numb to the situations they bring into your life.

Moving to a different environment

One great way to test how much of what we want is determined by our environment is to travel. When you move to a different city or county by yourself, you are on your own. The people back home won’t see all the decisions you make. As a result, you have to make decisions solely for yourself. And it might turn out that you make different decisions once your environment does not surround you. Also, you get to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. You might have to get to know new people. So you join a club for a sport you already play (or want to learn). You try a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try. When I moved to New York City, I loved that I could create a completely new circle with all my new interests.

Realizing when to let go

Trevor Noah said it best in an interview (see clip below). He said that safety belts on planes are there to protect you on-air. But once you land, it is keeping you from exiting the aircraft. The same holds true for people in your life. After a while, you outgrow people and environments and when you hold on to those things, you are basically holding yourself back. Read more here

Source Image: Unsplash, Ben Stern

In life, it is good to have goals. Because that’s how we get out of our comfort zone and grow. But the downside of it is that it gets really quiet after we reach a goal. You might think that when you have reached a goal, your life is awesome. Well, let me tell you… it’s not. Because to me life is constantly about evolving.

Keep putting in the work

Life is no bus stop where once you get off the bus, you sit on the bench and do nothing all day. Rather, I would say, that life is like a commute where you get off the bus and have to walk a couple of blocks to reach your destination. And after a few hours, you probably have to commute to another location. It is a constant event. And there are two ways to look at this. One perspective is to think: “This whole life thing is tiring because I constantly have to create and reach new goals”. Another perspective is to think: “This whole life thing is great because now I have a chance to make adjustments that align with my view for the future”.

Life can shift your perspective

Suppose you read the previous paragraph and think: “Well my life has been pretty much the same for a couple of years and I’m fine with the way it’s going”. That is great! But I also have to tell you that any big event can flip your whole life upside down and might even change your perspective. For example, you might experience loss or you might get into an accident and as a result, you have a long recovery ahead. This could change your future plans and even make you reconsider your identity. This way you have to reinvent yourself in a way and evolve.

Stop and smell the roses

Now I might not have the most productive way to tackle all those pivots that can occur, but personally, I found that just being mindful of the fact that the work is never done is really helpful. And also, stop and smell the roses. We can get so caught up in improving habits by 1% each day or chasing goals that we forget how great life is. A big part of evolving is rest, so enjoy what you have now and look forward to all the things that are on their way to you.

Source Image: Gaurav Baya

As we wrap up this month’s theme, we have come to the last article regarding Purpose. Now let’s focus on what impact your purpose will have once you’re gone. I know it’s a dark subject and some might not want to look that far ahead. But have you asked yourself what you will leave behind once you pass away? What will be your legacy? Life is fleeting and before you know it, your time is up. In Islam, we have something called Sadaqah Jariyah which loosely translates to ongoing charity. By engaging in this type of charity, you will be encouraged to think about your legacy.

What’s your legacy?

When we consider the day-to-day activities. Earning money, buying products, finding new hobbies, and spending time with family and friends. We think it all means something and it does to some extent because we need that now, but imagine 20 years after you’ve passed away. Will someone really remember all the money you’ve spent? Well, it depends on how you spend it.

Impact of your purpose

The impact of your purpose will be transparent once you talk to someone after a while. Look at people who win awards and their favorite elementary or high school teacher surprises them with a lovely speech. No matter how famous that person is, they end up in tears because that teacher has played a crucial role in their growth. In the end, people will remember how you made them feel.

What will you leave behind?

Now let’s consider helping people you don’t know and having them benefit from it for years to come. The best example of Sadaqah Jariyah is planting a tree. You might not see that tree grow fully in your lifetime. But your children and their children will reap the benefits from that tree, hence produce to survive for years. Another example is gaining and then sharing knowledge. Because if someone has benefited from that knowledge and they go ahead and teach it to someone else, you will also be rewarded.

Source image: Unsplash Eyoel Kahssay

This month’s newsletter is centered around why certain clichés are true. One of them is to protect your peace. And while some might think: this feels too zen for me. It is in fact the very base of attaining happiness or succes. Because you can’t pour from an empty cup but contradictory you also can’t fill a cup that is already full.

Pouring from an empty cup

Oh gosh, another cliché. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Imagine this, we are looking at a movie where someone is constantly doing the same thing. Where the character’s daily routine is very boring. Even the character themselves are not enjoying the activities they are doing. This is very hard to watch and even more difficult to live. Some people are burned out or miserable living their own lives. Their peace is compromised. Now for them, it is time to change things up. To conduct a new activity or maybe a change of scenery.

Filling the cup

On the contrary, you can’t fill a cup that is already full. Which refers to the fact that when you are already overworked, are dealing with too much stress, you can’t really handle much more. For example, you had a busy day at the office and your colleague then asked you to handle another project. You do it anyway because you can show your expertise to more people in management. Then, on your way to your commute, you find out that the train has a 20-minute delay… Which is going to make you arrive late at a friend’s birthday party. You arrive at the party but honestly, you look tired and are not even enjoying the company around you.

Now I’m not saying that you have carte blanche to blame your grumpy behavior on these events. Because at the end of the day, you are responsible for the way you act. But we have to realize that we can’t enjoy the moment when our social battery is running low. Therefore, protect your peace and prevent yourself from becoming too overworked.

Peace is the base of everything

Whether you want to empty your cup or fill it up, you have to prioritize your peace. Now first, let’s establish a definition of peace. To have peace is to be calm at heart. This can be established by setting boundaries on these aspects:

Mind

• decrease screen time
• read 1 book a month
• guided meditation
• surround yourself with positive people
• saying “no” more often
• cleanse your space
• write things down
• self-care day

Body

• strech daily
• more your body more
• cut out fast food
• go for a relaxing massage
• nourish your body

Soul

• laugh more often
• define your intentions for the week
• reflect on your values
• close the gap between your values and actions
• journal
• be kind to yourself

Source image: Unsplash, Mahosadha Ong

This month, we have talked about how to act instead of react, click here to read now. But certain situations bring out emotions. And even though we are responsible for our responses, we still need to deal with the emotions.

Take a step back from your emotions

So the first step seems obvious. You may have been told to count to 10 as a child, to regulate your emotions. When you take time to take a step back from your emotions, you get to self-reflect. Afterward, you feel more conscience and might figure out the best way to process those emotions.

Don’t be consumed by your emotions

Remember that you are not your emotions. Whether it is insecurity, anger, or feelings of hurt. We can make emotions part of our identity. The consequence is that you limit yourself to behaviors that are in line with that emotion. Second, you will let that emotion consume you and as a result, you will stay in the state of that emotion. The fact that we are human beings and can reflect is such a beautiful thing. Because we can process the emotions and eventually let them go.

Exhausting

Also, it takes a lot of energy to become that emotion. Whenever we feel an emotion, we spend a lot of time thinking about it and how it affects us. For example, what someone or something has done to ourselves. Or how stupid you have reacted to someone or something. First of all, that event is in the past and we can’t do anything about that. What we can do is notice the emotions we have and evaluate how to handle them. This will be a lot less exhausting. In the end, we have to actively decide to not be consumed by emotions.

Full range of emotions

However, it is important to process the emotion that you are feeling. This previous post discusses how to embrace the full range of emotions.

Source: Unsplash, Hendrikke Due

In the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Stephen Covey talks about two kinds of circles. The first and the larger circle is called the circle of Concern. Which contains all the things you are concerned about. In other words, all the things that take space in your mind. For example, your loved ones, your health, your job, the weather, the economy, etc. Some of these things we can control, in other words, we influence these things. They reside in the smaller circle: the circle of Influence.

One way to determine in which circle to categorize things is to distinguish the “Haves” from the “Bes” Examples of the “Haves” are:

I'll be happy when I have ...
If only I had a more patient partner ...
If I could just have more time to myself ...  

Anytime we think the problem is “out there”, that thought is the problem. If we like to be more proactive and change our current situation, it is best to adjust your language to the “Bes”. These types of words focus on the ways you could be to improve your current situation.

I can be more resourceful. 
I can be more understanding.
I can be dedicated. 

The sentences above require action. Moreover, they won’t let the behavior of someone else dictate the outcome of your mood. If you like to know more about a proactive attitude click here to read that post.

Source: Unsplash, Yiran Ding